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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2005.11.15  01.05 i told the world so. i am always right. Mood: rejuvenated

	2005.08.27  02.01 I LOVE MAKING TACOS. it's two am and i have to go to work at 7:30am. and my uniform is still dirrrty. Mood: sleepy

	2005.08.23  00.31 it took me eighteen years... to realize all i have to do is live and die. so i'm pretty much distancing myself from everyone this year. my newest motto: fuck 'em all. i realized also i have been so fake to people.. why? yeah that's not going to happen anymore either. half of my so called friends sucked anyways. always talking shit, never there but always expected some shit in return for nothing. i realized i don't have to be generous. it's probably why i'm so broke, financially and emotionally. i'm always giving people money here and there, helping them get this and that and not one bitch tries to return the favor. at first, i thought it just sounded cool, and never realized just how almost true it is: Friends are just people who smile to your face with a knife behind their back waiting for your stupid ass to turn around. Mood: happy

	2005.08.18  00.10 LAME Jerk Assinine Stupid Obnoxious Not able to handle a joke, but it's okay for his bitch ass to dish 'em out.

	2005.08.07  11.18 xanax is a palindrome so let's see let's see.... soooo.. i went to 602 with danielle.. and this guy who's old enough to be my daddy put a xanax in my drink... about half an hour later i was hitting on everyone i fell and scraped the shit out of my knee, i passed out and somehow i woke up in my room.......................... then the next day, ohh buddy, i could still feel it. i was still on xanax when i went into taco bell and was offered a higher position.. haha.. carolynn and danielle and everyone else knew i was fucked up.. i sat there for a few hours doing some shift leader book.. i kept spacing out so i never finished. danielle and i are scheduled for one last night on xanax.. but this time together. later in the evening.. me, sash, and mandy went to club matrix & metropolis. it was there we decided i'm not black, i'm not asian, i'm not white.. i'm Prini Trini. That is.. Pretend Trini. It came to be after we danced for an hour and the dj said where all my trini's at and mandy and sasha told me to put my hands up and "woo". oh man.. last night was just too damn fun. i fucking had guys dancing on me all night.. at first.. "cool, okay, whatever" but then you get the ones who get attached to you and it gets really annoying. the best part for me of the whole night.. was definitely when a circle formed.. and this guy was dancing on me and we were totally the center of attention.. and boy oh boy were we lookin good. well, i'm going to turn in my taco bizzle shizle i started working on. one love Mood: accomplished

	2005.08.04  06.26 i think i am going to have my own wig gallery in my home. and this coming tuesday.. yeah, i'm blowing a hundred dollars on wigs.

	2005.08.03  04.49 fun fun times. tyler and danielle are definitely on the top of my list for the funniest effin drunk people i know. i can't wait until sasha and i go to the clubs in orlando on saturday. i finally quit taco bell. i got a job at albertsons at the service desk. sweet fuckin deal eh? my next two paychecks will be over six hundred dollars. how fucking amazing is that? so i guess things are going well. i registered yesterday and i only have one problem with my schedule... i definitely did not sign up for marine fucking mechanics. fuck that. alright, i'm awfully tired.. i forsee a bed, a blanket, and sleep in my near future. Mood: sleepy

	2005.08.02  05.33 GOOOOOOOOOOOOO Patti Lipton! sooo.. i'm really excited about registration today. but my excitement is on a very vain level. mostly because i've changed quite significantly from ninth grade to now. personally, i think i look a lot better now and i'm very happy with this transition. today will be my hey fuck you day to every motherfucker who ever called me ugly. so i think i'm gonna lay off patti lipton because even someone as bad as her will, like me, have her day.

	2005.07.30  14.57 picking up your best friend to accompany your pussy ass to a tattoo shop: $0 the feeling of nearly shitting yourself when you realize... they're gonna stick a needle in your face: $0 realizing you're missing seventy dollars and all you have is ten and you can't get the piercing you nearly shitted for: priceless. Mood: pissed off

	2005.07.24  06.18 let me just state this simply. i went in to work at five in the afternoon. i did not get home from work until five thirty in the morning. what the fuck? i have a headache. on the bright side, luke and i.. are still very much in love. Mood: annoyed

	2005.07.22  04.18 ohh yeah. we are for sure in love. okay. so i had been talking to danielle about luke for a few days now, and so when we walked in tonight, she kind of had an idea as to who he was. she called him by his name and i thought oh no biggie until i realized, he didn't even have his name tag on. and yeah.. that pretty much confirmed that i talk about him. but then later in the night i asked him if he even knew my name and he said. "yeah," so then i ask, "what is it," and he says, "jessica." funny thing is, i never told him my name. so luke has been doing some research. and then.. oh yes and then, he did the most god forbidden thing in the world. he took a sip out of my 42oz Mountain Dew because "he freakin' loves Mountain Dew." so i decided to write his name on the lid (since i can never sip out of that cup again) and let him bask in his love for Mountain Dew. i see a seven eleven and a taco bell l♥ve st♥ry unfolding right before my very eyes. and yes. i did read that in a hallmark card somewhere; with the exception of the TB and SE part. Mood: happy

	2005.07.21  14.05 luke and i are in love.

	2005.07.19  03.32 hm.. so i just realized i find much too much comfort, joy, and satisfaction in material things. is it cause i don't have anything real to hold on to? either way, i just bought three DVDs and an outfit. i think i'm becoming morally rotten. i was in wal mart and encountered an employee, i don't remember her name so we will call her.. florence. this was quite possibly the best conversation ever: me: just to let you know, i closed the fitting room door and locked it for you florence: oh, thanks. you know, me and that other lady were talking and i told her you have the most gorgeous face. me: oh my, why thank you. wow. florence: you really do. your face is really beautiful. i'm going to work now but i just thought i would tell you. oh dear florence, my heart goes out to your blindess and it is well appreciated. Mood: contemplative

	2005.07.18  03.03 oh how do the cosmos align... every song on the radio to attune with your situation. it's funny.. i drove around town listening to every song. as soon as i decided it was time to come home, the last song ended as soon as i pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. so yeah, even songs i never liked played but i could finally relate to the lyrics so i sang my heart out. my mom has to go to l'hopital at like five am for surgery and guess who has to take her! oh well, i went to seven eleven to hang out with luke and he gave me free ice cream, bought me gum, and let my borrow a dollar. i won seventy six dollars on scratch off tickets. pretty sweet huh? so i think this whole thing is stupid. why is it guys can brag to their friends about things and joke around but girls can't? people come and go and in life there are very few static aspects, so whatever. i guess i better go and get ready for my hospital adventure. maybe there will be some hot male nurses.. haha. Mood: contemplative

	2005.07.16  23.54 dick sucking routine "she brings it on herself." ha! fuck you too. -edit- apparently when i am joking, i need clarify with the group, that my words are merely a joke. apparently a shared hearty laughter betwixt three people is not considered a joking situation. but, whatever someone wants, so be it; becuase someone cannot differentiate jokes apart from seriousness. spontaneity or not it happened end of story. whether or not it happens again, your call. oh. and ummm.. check the moods on journal entries.. because this one was definitely noted amused. Mood: amused

	2005.07.15  02.40 ay dios mio wow. so i've been trying to play it off like i don't like jason at all.. then he sends me some stupid ass thing and ugh.. whatever, i fell for it. god, how does anyone just stop liking someone? wow. i feel utterly stupid. carolynn gave me the perfect advice and did i listen? now i just feel used and dirty and like a cheap slut. no. i didn't have sex with anyone if that's what you're wondering. but i feel slightly used. i don't like this feeling. like going to sleep knowing you're lonely isn't bad enough.. ha, try going to bed feeling slightly used and lonely and pathetic, exanimate, and most of all stupid. ugh, re-thinking today's events.. i wish i would have listened to carolynn..i hate to say it but she told me so. ahh.. today i did however start to actually think of someone else other than myself today. i began to wonder how the people i manipulate feel. or when i'm rude and bitchy and demanding.. how do those who oblige to my every command feel? why do they even deal with it and take it? even people who don't know me kind of just.. do. i'm not sure if i like that manipulating aspect of me. it hasn't gotten me the one thing i've wanted for over six years now so what good is it? i'm very excited. i'm going to see charlie and the chocolate factory with the squatch, the yellow boy, and the almighty white massa. should be fun. man, i'm getting really uber tired right now. goodnight Mood: weird

	2005.07.13  05.26 on the brink of disaster so wow, i'm an idiot. i really fucked myself over.. like really bad. so monday night i closed, and a few days before then, i offered to take someone else's shift on tuesday and open. it would have been fine had i of slept a little but i thought no... i will just stay up. worst idea ever. i was cold and shaky and disoriented all day. it got so bad to the point where i was actually a bitch to customers... later in the day i broke down crying and couldn't handle drive through anymore when really i just couldn't handle being awake. starving little me walked over to pizza hut where luckily kessler gave me my personal pan half off and that made me somewhat happy. i got doritos from publix, oh my beloved doritos.. i walked back over to TB and ate my food and our big boss, Bel was there too conversing with our manager carolynn (also ready to let out a blood curdling scream). later in the day i passed out in the fucking bathroom... all i know is that i went in there and when i woke up i was laying on the bathroom floor.. then i fell asleep on the bench like booth chair thing until my mother picked me up. thinking about that little episode now, that's really embarassing and i'm sure i will feel like i owe everyone an explanation. i came home and i slept until right about now. i'm hungry and all i want is a crossan'wich from the BK Lounge. and on a lighter note, diego (ay papi) fed me a cinnnamon twist and it was super awkward in every sense of the word. good morning everyone! Mood: awake Music: Fall Out Boy

	2005.07.12  07.24 Drink down that Gin and Kerosene, And come spit on bridges with me, Just to keep us warm. Light a match to leave me be. Light a match to leave me be. I keep my jealousy close, 'Cause it's all mine. And if you say this makes you happy, Then I'm not the only one lying. [Chorus: x2] Keep quiet, Nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day? I'll be your best kept secret And your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day. And I keep my jealousy close, 'Cause it's all mine. And if you say this makes you happy, Then I'm not the only one lying. Drink down that Gin and Kerosene, And come spit on bridges with me, Just to keep us warm. Light a match to leave me be. Light a match to leave me be. [Chorus x2] So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down. I'll watch you choke. You look so good in blue. You look so good in blue. [x3] [Chorus: x3] [comes back in during chorus 2nd time:] (So wear me like a locket around your throat. I'll weigh you down. I'll watch you choke. You look so good in blue. You look so good in blue.) "I'm hopelessly hopeful, that you're just hopeless enough But we never had it at all" i love that line too.. Mood: bouncy Music: mmm fall out boy

	2005.07.12  03.32 my mom= bitch of the century um, streaming degrassi and i can't even effin watch it.. dammit. soo pissed. i get paid tomorrow and hopefully my contacts will come in. i really want to go somewhere with people. i feel like i've been missing out on life this summer. barely any of my "friends" fucking call to say hey, wanna do something? but then again.. how many have i tried to call? all i know is that i have saturday off and i will do something, even if i hafta do it by my lonesome. i WILL NOT waste it, and i WILL NOT go to work, even if they are destitute on help i refuse to work. anyways.. i get overtime like mad this week and i guess that's exciting.

	2005.07.11  02.02 je deteste-lui. why am i so easily.. hmm.. i don't wanna use the word depressed... but saddened all the time?

	2005.07.10  03.24 ew. i smell like drive through. so, i'm taking trimspa now and i have developed a theory. my theory is based on one of the last few sentences on the box.. it says, for optimum results, use for 6-10 days. how does someone get skinnier in less than a week? so i'm thinking it's a hallucinogen that makes you think you're getting thinner.. the proof is in the pudding i always say.. okay so i don't but i bought a few pairs of pants that are smaller in size than normal.. if they fit soon.. then it will be my confirmation it works.. if not, i just wasted a good twenty bucks. i went to the mall the other night and i bought a bunch of kick ass clothes. oh man, if this stuff works out, i will look pretty damn good soon enough. i need a neck massage, i tried to give myself one but its not the same. maybe i will treat myself to a spa therapy day. hmm.. sounds good. You're Brigitte Bardot! What Classic Pin-Up Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Mood: calm

	2005.07.08  05.23 Frooooooooooogle so............................................. pretty good day. i ordered my contacts.. so i can retire my gucci glasses for a few days. haha... poor jason's car broke down on him. i took him to wal mart and the silly boy still didn't buy power steering fluid... and his cheap ass thinks he is getting his reciept back so he can get five bucks... cheap ass. i thought jews were freugal? Mood: awake

	2005.07.07  02.59 what does this mean?! jason, your job is better than mine. ♥nick is funny♥ ♥will tetro is hot♥ ♥dremak is still god♥ ♥TF♥ ♥john is a gangster♥ ♥christian cracks me up♥ ♥phil smells♥ Mood: cheerful

	2005.07.07  01.09 a day with friends is always a good day. hm.. i just bought the outfit i wore to the fucking pool hall. I reek of cigarette smoke now. But, in my opinion, i looked pretty cute. and I think Nazi David was really trying to hit on me. these pants really make my ass look cute. i'm not sure if i wanna take em off... mmm i kind of want my barbecue pizza and some doritos right now. it'd be even better if i had a cute boy to watch a movie with. ha, that one bouncing souls song just popped into my head... "I'm a hopeless romantic, you're... just.. hopeless." Mood: recumbent Music: Bouncing Souls

	2005.07.06  09.47 alright, so i just got home from the beach and breakfast with sasha. mucho fun, i got to vent a lot and so did she. i emerge from this experience well informed that someone has actually given it a thought. that's good i guess but it doesn't even matter to me now. finally instead of crying to myself and trying to figure out whether i should wake up the next day i got to tell someone how i really felt. lately it seems like all of my friends only want to talk to you if their boyfriend is off at work or if they're so desperately bored. good friends huh? so i've been alive for nearly two decades and i've been miserably single. it leaves me to wonder, what the fuck is wrong with me? christ, how undesirable am i? i'd like to think i'm a really nice person, i'm pretty smart, i'm generous as fuck and always giving and willing to help so why have i been dealt the shit hand. seriously, in my previous life, i must have been a big time homewrecker or husband killer cause love doesn't appear to be in my cards. but why do i want it so bad? i mean, yeah it feels good knowing someone loves you and blah and having someone to hold onto and vice versa but it comes to an end eventually and who wants that kind of pain? but, simultaneously, i think i am willing to endure such for the memories made in the meantime. i didn't even like nick as much as i did that other kid. good friends and good people like that are hard to find so maybe i should take what i can get? but that means settling. he says he's so lonely but he doesn't even much have to be. but it wouldn't work. i wish i knew why. he's a smart kid so i'm sure it's a good reason of sound logic. right? right. yeah. i've laid out my life plan.. i know a family is what i want in the future but the probability seems so small. i've decided to adopt a kid. that'd be all the love i need and atleast it's unconditional until they get older. i don't want to go to bed alone. i should be used to it but after a while, the shit just get's old. earlier he said something about me being overly racist and dragging it on.. however, it's okay for him to. and my gaim alias is jessica the nigger but i do it all too often and drag it on. come on now, oh, and if you know you aren't gay, don't get all pissy about it when i kid around about it. i don't think you are and neither do a lot of others. i need a vacation. i can't wait till amber's mom's birthday. should be fun, and i can get the fuck out of melbourne for a while. Mood: cold